Santa knows all, right?
Magical because Santa Claus, known as Father Christmas, Saint Nicholas, Saint Nick, and Kris Kringle in English, answers all those questions from little boys and girls, no matter what.
Santa has that innate ability to see around corners.
Other characters can do the same.
One was Johnny Carson's famous psychic character Carnac the Magnificent, a turban-wearing mystic who would dramatically hold an envelope to his forehead to divine the answers to sealed questions. He was a recurring sketch on The Tonight Show, showcasing Carson's comedic timing.
Sheldon Cooper is a fan-favourite character in The Big Bang Theory who comes across as a know-it-all.
There’s also Brainiac - a DC Comics character often depicted as a 12th-level intellect with the accumulated knowledge of thousands of worlds he has assimilated.
And of course, Sherlock Holmes, a brilliant, detail-oriented detective in numerous stories and adaptations, who solves crimes that stump others, often appearing as an obnoxious know-it-all in social situations. There have been many portrayals.
But it is Santa’s time of the year to answer all those back roads’ questions. He was contacted at the North Pole, and that’s the geographic one, not the magnetic. More on that in one of the many questions from storied characters within the Back Roads Bill (BRB) weekly stories.
Santa knows
“Right off the hop” the first question to the resident of the legendary home of the toy-making elves and reindeer came from one of Canada’s most prolific authors, Roy MacGregor.
He has penned more than fifty books and is a columnist and feature writer for The Globe and Mail. Before joining in 2002, he worked for the National Post, the Ottawa Citizen, Maclean's magazine, the Toronto Star and The Canadian Magazine. He has received numerous awards for his journalism, including two National Newspaper Awards, several National Magazine Awards and twice the ACTRA Award as the best television drama writer in the country
He’s been featured in a few Back Roads Bill articles, and he also paddles “a little red canoe.”
He’s always obliging. “Great, Bill. That’s a fun idea,” he said from his home in Kanata.
So, he asked Santa, “Is it true that the crosses you can see on the Quebec side of the Ottawa River across from Mattawa go back several centuries?”
“Well, Roy, Father Christmas remembers a Back Roads Bill June 3, 2020 story.”
He explained the presence of these crosses has made the Big Joe Mufferaw town, where the rivers meet, known throughout northeastern Ontario for the folklore as to why these crucifixes are really there. It is a mixture of deity and determination, but still a hallmark for the community. You can see the crosses when driving along Highway 17. Santa uses this as a navigation marker on Christmas Eve.
One version is based on historic record, which infers they were first put on Explorer's Point, in the spring of 1686, by Captain Pierre de Troyes during his expedition up the Ottawa River.
Another version of the legend has the three crosses put there by Father Nelson Duquette after the town was spared from a wildfire. In the summer of 1917, it was decided by the church and community to place the crosses on top of the high hill across the Ottawa River from the point, on the Quebec side, for all to see. Three local priests erected the crosses. They now have solar lights for illumination.
Another author well-known across Canada is Waubgeshig Rice, born and raised in Wasauksing First Nation, who now lives with his young family in the City of Greater Sudbury. He is aspiring to become a fluent Ojibwemowin speaker, a goal of his. He is “ogimaa na,” a leader.
He said, “Hey, Santa. Thanks for checking in! How about this: What’s a fun, little-known fact about the Sudbury Basin, which was created by an asteroid almost two billion years ago?”
Geology is a favourite Jeopardy TV game show category of Mr. and Mrs. Claus. The game show host Alex Trebek was from the Sudbury basin.
“Well, Waub, it was during the 1972 Apollo 16 mission, astronaut John Young was examining the lunar surface when he commented, 'It looks like a Sudbury breccia, and that's the truth. I can't believe it.”
The unique, fragmented rock (breccia) found in the Sudbury Basin, created by intense heat and pressure from the ancient impact, provided geologists and NASA with a valuable terrestrial example to understand similar impact-related rock formations on the Moon.
“NASA even used the barren, rocky landscape of the Sudbury Basin as a training ground for astronauts in the early 1970s because it resembled the lunar surface. “
Santa wears red but thinks green. He went on to say that this has all changed because of “regreening efforts of many, that have created a world-renowned, fifty-year, environmental mitigation story.”
Better still, Santa noted, “Nearby to you, Waub - Lake Wanapitei - another impact crater, is the world's largest lake contained within a single city. That would be a wordsmith gift for Waub.”
Brian Emblin and Liz Mulholland are good friends in Timmins, and once upon a time contacted Back Roads Bill to tell him they followed his stories. Then we met, went on a northern Ontario adventure, and the rest is a history of camaraderie.
Here’s Brian’s question to Santa. “Maybe I’m just old school, but I still use, and will continue forever to use, the old standard degrees, minutes and seconds for cartography and locations on the earth’s surface, etc…. Why did we bother inventing new methods? Was it just so computers could handle straight digits?”
Glad you asked Kris Kringle this one.
“I read the Back Roads Bill stories each weekend in Village Media, and I like that he uses the Google app – My Maps – in each of his stories. This Back Roads Bill Bethnal Springs map link alone has received more than 71,000 views.” The story remains a mystery even to Santa.
Santa paused and then said with joy in his voice, "We know so well. Two things, Brian. The system of degrees, minutes, and seconds was developed by the ancient Babylonians (building upon Sumerian mathematics), with later refinements by Greek astronomers like Hipparchus and Ptolemy. The number 60 (like 60 seconds in one minute) is a highly composite number, meaning it has many divisors (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 12, 15, 20, and 30). This made working with fractions and performing calculations, especially in a world without decimal notation, much easier than a base-10 system. But it is difficult to understand in linear measure what a degree, minute and seconds translates to.
“The problem is that no one can understand what, for example, what one degree means in linear distance. Santa knows, do you? The UTM Earth’s projection goes back to 1570 and Gerardus Mercator.
“The Universal Transverse Mercator (UTM) is a projected coordinate system based on the transverse Mercator map projection of the Earth's spheroid. As a map projection, it transforms geographic (degrees, minutes and seconds) coordinates of locations on Earth's surface to assign plane coordinates (metric) to them on a flat plane, It makes more sense and is easier to plot,” he said.
“Yes, only decimal degrees, as absolute numbers, can be placed in a digital spreadsheet. You cannot put three different units of measure in a row or column. And this is why people do not really understand the numbers on their GPS devices. (Google: ‘What do those numbers mean anyway?’ a book by BRB.)
“And Brian, you should know there are the geographic and the magnetic North Poles, that both are important differences (declination that has to be accounted for) when using a compass for navigation.”
The jolly one, of course, a natural navigator, uses familiar landmarks like those three crosses in Mattawa, the Big Nickel within the City of Greater Sudbury and the Beardmore Snowman. Greenstone municipal council just announced budgeting $205,000 to fix the Beardmore Snowman. The nearly-11-metre-tall figure is sometimes dubbed the World’s Largest Snowman. Santa is glad; it was starting to look a little long in the tooth.
Santa is never lost on Christmas Eve.
There was that Back Roads Bill story on August 23 of this year featuring Claire Cameron, author of the memoir “How to Survive a Bear Attack.’
She had Santa Claus entering the field of politics; he likes to be apolitical.
Claire asked, “The recent bills, Ontario's Bill 5 and Federal Bill C-5, will fast-track mining and infrastructure projects by, from what I can see, weakening environmental protection. What do you think this means for northern Ontario and the backroads?”
The impartial Santa tried to explain to little Claire.
“The primary goal of both bills is to expedite development, especially for mining and the access roads needed for those mines. This means mining projects in the Ring of Fire could proceed much faster than previously possible.
“It could bypass environmental assessments and species protections, meaning a higher risk of irreversible damage to sensitive ecosystems, including the habitats of at-risk species like caribou. Critics warn that the focus has shifted from environmental protection to prioritizing economic growth.
“At the same time,” he said, “Several First Nations and environmental groups have launched legal challenges against both Bill 5 and Bill C-5, arguing they are unconstitutional and do not respect the rights of Indigenous communities or provide adequate public oversight.” There might be treats for Santa at little Claire’s house on Christmas Eve.
More knowledge from Santa
Then, from George Burton, President & CEO of Canadore College, and after about 15 years at the helm will be departing in the New Year, January 26. He said, “Time does fly. Long days turn into short years.”
He asked: What is unique about the watershed in North Bay, specifically the flows of Trout Lake and Lake Nipissing? Is the watershed a unique feature, or is it found in other regions in the province?
Saint Nicholas has read Back Roads Bill’s story on the height of land invisible boundaries from July 8, 2020.
“So, yes, George, they exist throughout the province and historically are the boundaries of First Nations’ traditional territories.
“In the North Bay example, the height of land separates the city’s two major lakes – Lake Nipissing to the west and Trout Lake to the east. Water from Trout Lake flows through the Mattawa River to the Ottawa River and then to the St. Lawrence. Lake Nipissing water finds it way through Georgian Bay, Lake Huron, Lake Erie, over Niagara Falls and then on to Lake Ontario and then the St. Lawrence and to the Atlantic Ocean.
The Earth, George, is still rebounding from the last ice age with ice receding roughly 12,000 years ago, it’s called isostatic rebounding.”
That makes Santa appearing to be “smart enough.”
On the book jacket of Suzanne F. Charron’s book entitled Wolf Man Joe LaFlamme – Tamer Untamed, it says he “captivated a nation with his wild and eccentric lifestyle, taming wolves. Nothing stopped this burly bushman and his outlandish ideas. He was a celebrity adored by the media in both Canada and the United States, particularly when his moose accompanied him to ABC Radio’s studio in Manhattan.
She said, “You must read the New York excerpt at the end of the book – 'the only musher in the world to have driven a team of wolves down Broadway.'" That is from a May 25 story from this year.
A real northern Ontario character, thinks Santa, and he will be visiting Gogama in a few nights from now.
Anyway, she asked Santa: On your annual tour of the world on Christmas Eve, do you remember visiting a northern Ontario town which had two standing Hudson Bay Company (HBC) trading posts? If so, what town was it?
Only Saint Nicholas would know this.
“Why, of course, I remember Suzanne.
"It was in Gogama, located on Hwy 144, between Sudbury and Timmins. The first HBC post was built around 1921 and closed in 1942, after the company opened another one on the main street.
"The latter was demolished about 10 years ago. And, as the first building was still standing, it was restored around 2012 to house the Gogama Chamber of Commerce and the Gogama Heritage Museum.
"I hear that Joe LaFlamme, Northern Ontario’s famous Wolf Man, regularly traded pelts at HBC. His pet moose was also fond of the trading post, especially when apple bushels were left on display outside!” Santa does know.
This story, concerned community resident Ken Mccollam was front and centre within an alleged dumping of raw sewage in the Montreal River in Matachewan. He, with his partner Lindsay, operates a small rooming residence for shift miners at the local gold mine.
“I don't think many people are aware that Ontario is awash with old, if not ancient, rock writings.
My question to Santa is this: of all the Indigenous pictographs, which are your favourite? Not necessarily the biggest or most accessible, but which strikes you the most amazing to have survived in obscurity for these many years?
“Well, Kenny boy, a thoughtful question for Santa. I am always intrigued and respectful when I come across a collection of pictographs. Favourites are located on Mooseland Lake, NE of Ignace. Back Roads Bill cited these in this story, May 12, 2021, including a navigation rock. Some other outstanding ones, I have not seen yet, are the Artery morphs, located in the far NW corner of Woodlandcaribou Provincial Park near the Manitoba border.
Then this thoughtful question. “Santa Bill. On the back roads of northern Ontario, there are certain stretches that feel almost untouched, roads that carry history, silence, and a deep sense of place. Is there one road that stands out to you like that, and how do you think people should travel it, how they should behave, slow down, or show respect, so that it stays as pristine and meaningful for those who come after us?”
This was sent to the North Pole from Cory Dingle, postal code HO-HO-HO!
Cory has spoken out against the Norval Morrisseau art fraud as the estate’s executive director. Back Roads Bill has authored a few Village Media stories on “fakes” that have involved several trials and convictions.
“Cory, I know you have been a good little boy, and this is a reflective destination to seek out on the back roads. What you want to find is this remote logging road, and then the trail, north of Aroland First Nation, 20 km west of Nakina. It leads to a poignant and compassionate fire memorial, designed to complement the surrounding boreal forest. Forty-six years ago, on Aug. 22, 1979, something went tragically wrong when a Prescribed Burn was initiated, part of a confined forest fire training event. You will be there with the trees and their spirits, a long way from your home.
“The deaths of these young people at Esnagami Lake are doubly tragic, not only for young lives full of potential to have been so quickly snuffed out, but also for the sense of pain and fear that they must have felt in their last moments, and that is almost tangible when one visits the site. The calmness and serenity of the memorial today belie the terror in the tragedy that took place there.”
Santa noted Back Roads Bill has written extensively about this for Village Media on Aug. 18, 2021. On that day, just past noon, several prescribed burn fires were ignited, but suddenly the wind shifted, and minutes later, seven young people were trapped by the wildfire and died immediately. They were innocent bystanders. Santa grew quiet for a bit.
What about?
“Cool! How about this one?” asked The Happy Camper.
"The Happy Camper" is the renowned Canadian canoeing expert, author of many outdoor guides (including The Happy Camper), speaker, and media personality known for his entertaining tips on camping and wilderness living.
Kevin Callan queried with a biology question.
“Santa, why do the male and the female northern Ontario caribou both have antlers? Only a male moose has antlers, and so do deer. Do your reindeer have both as well?”
Santa knows he has read the Back Roads Bill Slate Island story, in which there are caribou. It is the most southern herd of caribou by latitude.
“Yes, Kevin, both male and female caribou (and reindeer, which are of the same species) grow antlers, making them the only deer species where both sexes are antlered, though male antlers are much larger and shed earlier, while females keep theirs longer to protect winter food. These antlers have unique features like 'shovel' tines and are known for being the only antlers grown by both male and female members of the deer family (Cervidae). During growth, they are covered in a fuzzy skin called velvet, and when fully developed and hardened, the velvet sheds, revealing the bone, often stained by rubbing against trees.”
And then from another famous outdoorsperson.
“Hey Bill, sorry to hear about the mess the storm did and hope it goes well with the rebuild. Questions…hmmm, lots to think about.” That is from Hap Wilson (referring to the June 21 storm that closed the Canadian Ecology Centre and Samuel de Champlain Provincial Park.
Hap co-founded the environment group, Earthroots, a grassroots conservation organization dedicated to the protection of Ontario’s wilderness, wildlife and watersheds, in 1986. His book, Voyages: Canada’s Heritage Rivers, won the Natural Resources Council of America Award for best environmental book of 1994. Hap also received the Bill Mason Award for lifetime achievement in river conservation.
“Just for fun, Santa. What well-known wilderness Ontario guide and author taught actor Pearce Brosnan how to paddle a canoe for the Attenborough movie “Grey Owl”? Or:
What’s the name of the mountain in northern Ontario that precipitated the environmental movement in central Canada and raised the ire of the local Indigenous bands?
Ho-Ho-Ho, Santa knows the answers to both.
“It was Hap himself who trained Pierce Brosnan. Hap talks about this on the Back Roads Bill podcast, April 24, 2024. He was Brosnan’s personal skills trainer for the 1999 film Grey Owl. Wilson taught Brosnan the essential wilderness skills required for his role as the famous Anglo-Canadian conservationist, Archibald Belaney, also known as Grey Owl.
And it is Maple Mountain within the Temagami wilderness, which was a symbol of one of Ontario’s most prolific environmental issues.
The red-suited fellow explained, “In 1972, the Ontario government, after opening the Ontario Place tourist attraction in Toronto’s waterfront, proposed an Ontario Place North, a northern destination that would accommodate 6,000 visitors. It gripped the public imagination. Local boosters tripped over each other to promote and lobby for its placement on Maple Mountain, thought to be the highest elevation in Ontario.
“Gary Potts, then a rookie Chief of the Temagami First Nation, was already angry. His people had never signed a treaty. Now the government was going to desecrate their most sacred site - Chee-bay-jing, the place where the spirits go. It was to be the first of many environmental battles within the Temagami wilderness. It became the "War in the Woods" campaign in the Temagami region in the late 1980s and early 1990s.”
The questions continued.
Markus Schwabe has been the congenial host of CBC’s Morning North for almost 30 years. He has been interacting with Back Roads Bill on air for more than 13 years.
He asked, “When flying that sleigh across the north, what's the neatest thing you can see from above? What's the highest point in the north (that you have to avoid flying into)? Are there any lakes that have interesting shapes when you see them from above? Is there a particular landmark or geographical feature that Santa enjoys seeing?”
“Wow!” exclaimed St. Nick. “Well, Sir, Back Roads Bill wrote about this on August 26, 2023. From a mapping or aerial perspective, it looks like one of the most interesting landform features in northern Ontario, the maze of eskers on Lady Evelyn Lake within the Temagami wilderness. Or, those many circular, mysterious forest circles he described in a column on February 17, 2024.
“Markus, nothing really to run into, the reindeer know to climb above Ishpatina Ridge (693 m (2,274 ft – the highest point in Ontario). north of Lake Wanapitei, and well…the Super Stack, which is being dismantled, in Sudbury, is well lit.”
And Santa cannot promise Markus, a diehard fan, that the Toronto Raptors will win the NBA title this year.
Santa knows
Santa’s reindeer can find their way instinctively to this small town.
Cheryl Fort is the Mayor of Hornepayne, the geographic centre of Ontario. She’s a trailblazer. From a gender perspective, she is one of the first female railway locomotive engineers, breaking barriers in a traditionally male field, and was elected in 2018, becoming the second female Indigenous mayor elected in Ontario.
She was curious about: “Is it true that northern Ontario roads tell a much longer story than we usually recognize - from Indigenous routes to resource highways to today's highways?”
Santa said, “Long before European contact, Indigenous communities established a vast network of trails and portages termed by historical geographers the Amerindian network. These routes were developed over thousands of years for hunting, trade, and diplomacy. These trails became roads during the arrival of surveyors, prospectors and pioneers.
“Nastawgan is a word still in common usage amongst the older, native-speaking elders of Northeastern Ontario referring to these land and waterway trails.”
Using his classic finger-pointing gesture, he explained. “Then these colonization roads morphed into major arteries, such as Highway 11 (once called the Ferguson Highway 1927), which traces its roots back to early colonization efforts through mining and forestry."
“And now,” says Santa, “In the near future, there are proposed projects like the Northern Road Link. This proposed all-season road aims to connect remote First Nations to the provincial highway network and the mineral-rich Ring of Fire region.”
How does he know all of this, and more?
Earlier this fall Gah-Ning Tang was featured in a Robert Munsch story involving Hearst and Kapuskasing
Her query. “As one who travels throughout northern Ontario, if you had to tell someone who has never been to northern Ontario to visit just one place, where would it be and why? Also, what is your favourite way/means of travelling throughout northern Ontario?”
Father Christmas was quick to reply. “Well, little girl, it is always with the reindeer and sleigh that I do my visiting throughout northern Ontario and beyond. As you know Gah-Ning, the air defence installation NORAD tracks Santa in real-time, from North Bay. The North American Aerospace Defense Command is a joint US-Canada military organization.
“There is a Santa tracker countdown on this site.” And with a deep, bellowing “Ho, Ho, Ho!” from his belly. “It is always the next place on the back roads; I visit becomes my favourite. And the little red canoe is a good companion to get around with.”
Retired university professor, Jeff Scott, was featured in the postcard story two weeks ago. He loves postcards.
He asked, “Santa, for Christmas this year I am only looking for an answer to one question … given the distinctive geographic characteristics, climatic conditions, diverse vegetation and waters throughout northern Ontario if I was fortunate enough to be in the right place, at the right time, where in Northern Ontario might I be lucky to spot Bigfoot, Sasquatch, (what do the indigenous people call Bigfoot? Thank you, Santa, … safe journeys on December 25th and may there be a tasty treat at each stop.”
Well, that was one of those provocative questions for the jolly fellow.
Santa says, “Jeffrey, your best bet is the Ontario Bigfooters: Research and Bigfoot Sightings. They have a Facebook page, and they are the real deal. Back Roads Bill also wrote about Sasquatch sightings in northern Ontario here.
“And Anishinaabe, use the term ‘Sabe’ (for Sasquatch/Bigfoot), the mythical giant who walked among the people to remind them of the sacred teaching of Honesty (Gwekwaadziwin), symbolizing integrity, being true to oneself, speaking your heart, and living authentically.”
And it is never too late to send Saint Nick a card.
Johanna Rowe is an author and historian in Wawa and is at the forefront of the mysterious runestone discovery there. Take a look at this New York Times article.
She started by saying she was “honoured as always...you are a certain person as well,” to be able to ask Santa a query. (Back Roads Bill had asked “certain” northern Ontario people for Santa questions.)
“Now to come up with a perfect Santa question...."Do we know if any members of the Group of Seven owned property in Northern Ontario?"
This was probably the most difficult question for Santa.
With his warm booming voice, he exclaimed, “We know most members of the group had their primary residences and main studios in Toronto, but travelled extensively to northern Ontario for painting inspiration using temporary accommodations. The first trips to Algoma were in May and September of 1918 when members of the Group first painted along the rail line, and they used handcars (or 'velocipedes') to travel up and down the rail line to access painting sites.”
Confidently, he continued. “For sure, A.Y. Jackson frequently returned to the Michipicoten Bay area between 1955 and 1961, where he shared ownership of a cottage that still stands today at Sandy Beach, although it is now on private property.” Johanna is completing a book on the famed artist and his Lake Superior works of art. Santa looks forward to this book’s publication.
‘Tis the Season
Globally, he's known as Père Noël (French), Babbo Natale (Italian), Weihnachtsmann (German), Ded Moroz (Russian), Joulupukki (Finnish), and Papá Noel (Spanish), all reflecting different cultural takes on the gift-giving character.
I guess they thought they could stump Santa. Nonetheless, he knows if you have been naughty or nice on the back roads.
Santa said to Back Roads Bill, “Enjoy the two-week reset, the early winter weather, family and friends, and get out, stay outside for some Vitamin N-Nature!”
I have always loved the fact that he knows it all.
